My Journey from the Navy to Yoga by Charity Haney
I joined the U.S. Navy in 1997, a year after graduating from college. I had passed my audition to become a military musician and I couldn’t wait to start my adventure. Sometimes the less you know is a beautiful thing. My naivety about the inner workings at my first command allowed me to learn, grow, and enjoy my job. I was learning how to be the best example of a Sailor (always first) and a military musician. I was taught that, specifically in our job, it was expected that we uphold higher standards than those set out in the instructions. We were not only representing the Navy in the public eye but we represented and stood for every Sailor that was deployed who couldn’t represent themselves. When we gained public support and promoted positivity at concerts, the military and those deployed gained the true support. It was a lot more than just being with the band.
As I moved up in rank, so did the weight of responsibility, the expectations, the inner working things I knew and was now a part of. My Sailors, peers, and supervisors came to me when they needed something simple like asking about the schedule and I was also the one that was “asked” to tell the band things like that one of our members that had transferred just months prior had died. I would get called into work all hours of the night and while I was on vacations for emergencies and it really took a toll on my body and my family that I didn’t even realize until I retired in 2018. When they said “Navy Sailor 24/7” it was truth. Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVED my career! I loved the driving and pushing, the helping and taking care of Sailors and their families, the performing and the faces/tears of audience members when they’d see a proud WWII Veteran stand for the playing of his/her service song during our concerts. When I retired, however, I realized that the expectation of my military life was to be “on” 24/7 for others which gave me a huge excuse to stay disconnected just enough from myself for 21 years. After retirement, it was all me and there was “stuff”! I am grateful to have had yoga!!
A peer of mine took me to my first yoga class when my son was 1 year old and I had been in the Navy about 4 years. She said it would be relaxing. Well, I did not find it that way! I was in my head the entire time about trying to do it right and not wanting to look so silly when everyone else seemed to move with such grace. When I left that class, my body felt so relaxed but I vowed I’d never go to yoga again because of what it did in my mind. (Yes, I thought it was the yoga classes fault LOL)
About 10 years later, the same friend came to visit me and, of course, said let’s go to yoga! I did a quick search and found a place to appease her need for this terrible yoga thing and we went. This class was as different from the 1st one as it could be. At one point my body was so tired, my brain even gave up the fight of racing for a moment and I felt peaceful. I couldn’t believe it! What did this yoga teacher do? How was she able to get my mind to pause for that moment? How was she able to calm the pressure and expectations that I had learned and lived with for the last 14 years (many more to be honest) of needing to be perfect, “on” all the time, and ready for something bad to happen at any moment?
That class began a journey inward that I am still making. I took yoga teacher training and during the training realized that teaching yoga felt like everything I loved about the Navy without the added stressors. I was given the honor to offer people support, encouragement, and, if I was lucky, I’d be able to witness them realizing their own greatness…AND I didn’t get calls in the middle of the night. 😊 I had a feeling that after the Navy, yoga teaching would be a big part of my life.
After retirement I opened a yoga studio called Yoga Nook Northside in Jacksonville, FL where our mission was to allow the students to be uniquely themselves in whatever way their mind, body, and heart showed up. No pressure, no limitations, no expectations. Show up and practice uniting back to yourself.
Sometimes we perceive ourselves in the world as being THE problem or having created the problem with our actions/inactions. In this case the thought of uniting with ourselves can be terrifying. This level of deep shame and soul harming for what someone has done or didn’t do in some way that is contradictory to the persons moral beliefs is how I describe the effects of moral injury. Moral injury is extremely common in the military/Veteran community and can be found in other professions as well. It can be difficult to understand as it is not a diagnosable illness like PTSD or mental health disorders. Moral injury, however, is the journey that can lead to those illnesses developing and is more of what creates the sensations of grief and shame rather than the diagnosed disorder.
The good news is that moral injury does not always cause the disorder if helped!!!! Please attend our virtual Veterans Panel over Zoom where we will discuss Moral Injury on Wednesday, November 11 from 11:00am-12:00pm EDT. See the flier below for the link to register.
