As a young man I thought I had it all figured out. I was married with three amazing children, a big house on a cul-de-sac and a successful engineering career. My life was driven from rational thought. I deeply suppressed my emotions as a nuisance and believed that Western science could completely explain the world we live in.

That all came to a crashing end when I was 46. I woke up in the middle of the night and knew that my Dad had passed away. Western science had no explanation for this knowledge. My foundation was crumbling, and I started questioning everything. I knew something was missing in my life and it eventually led me to questioning my gender identity. This created extreme anxiety knowing that I could lose everything if I accepted this. I was a wreck emotionally and morally. I was soon divorced and alone.

That’s when I discovered yoga. The physical practice helped me to escape the anxiety and experience moments of calm. Over a couple of years’ time, I had reached the point where I accepted that I was non-binary, living in a world between genders. I truly did not know whether I was a man or a woman. I was still not in a good place. I was battling gender dysphoria but didn’t realize it or have a name for it. When the next round of yoga teacher training was offered at my Baptiste Affiliate studio, I signed up, hoping I would acquire the tools to deal with my confusion.

There comes a time when your yoga practice shifts from a physical practice to a spiritual practice. Teacher training dramatically accelerated that shift for me. Of the many lessons learned, the one that stands out is to become comfortable in being uncomfortable. Baptiste training in particular focuses on excavating painful truths from your emotional dungeon. The first major breakthrough for me was realizing I had been living a lie my entire life. I was not this emotionless, rock of Gibraltar, logical zombie. I was a tender, compassionate and loving creature.

Soon, I began peeling back all the castle moats I had created to hide and protect this vulnerable little girl that lived inside of me. Through endless tears and undying support from my yoga teachers and community, I finally broke through. At 56 years of age, I realized I was a transgender woman. Suddenly my entire world was turned upside down. I was scared and at the same time everything made sense.

Perhaps the most significant tool I learned from yoga was meditation. I meditate each and every morning. Not long after I realized I was trans, I was visited by an omnipotent spirit during meditation that scared me to my core. He bellowed these three words and was gone:

Trust the Process!

I learned later that was Archangel Michael telling me what I needed to know. Soon I was being tested. Little steps at first with choices to follow my intuition or rational thought. Every time I chose to follow my instincts, the outcomes were good. Every time I fought my intuition with logic, things did not work out. Within a year, I had fully transitioned into Michelle and was genuinely happy for the first time in my life. It turned out that all of my fears about transitioning were just that: fears.

I never intended to teach yoga. Teacher training was a process to save my life. Now that I had found myself, all those angels that had guided me into becoming Michelle were now imploring me to serve others. One chapter is completed, and another chapter begins.

I started teaching yoga at work. That lead to subbing at a local yoga studio. Before long I was teaching yoga to trans women inmates in the county jail. I also began speaking at companies, sharing my experience moving from an ultra-privileged male to a trans woman and the violence, depression and oppression that was revealed. I shared with my corporate executives that to some, diversity and inclusion was a buzz word, but to people like me it was a matter of life and death. My mission became to awaken the world to the plight as well as the stunning beauty of being transgender by touching one heart at a time.

Teaching yoga with Y4C is another opportunity to share the gift of yoga with those that need it most. The energy, passion, and wisdom I try to leave with my students is my way to ignite the same yoga magic that changed my life into a life changing moment for those in my class.

Blog written by Michelle

How Yoga has Changed My Life by Yoga 4 Change Instructor, Michelle